When pets get messy, summer breeze becomes summer “ah jeez.”

1. Dogs. Man’s best friend is a beach-going bud, which means a lot of sand tracked into the car. To keep the beach from coming home with you, have a small carvac handy for things like sand, dirt, and cracker crumbs. Actually, a dog IS a small carvac so just let him go to town.
2. Cats. Whiskers the cat just loves bringing you gifts: squirrel guts, bird nests, and something moist and black. Without hurting kitty’s feelings, subtly hint that you would rather be brought your slippers and a cup of coffee. If she won’t take the hint, at least clean your sheets properly after receiving that gift on your pillow with bleach.
3. Horses. Few people have horses as pets, but those who do regret it. The giant gorgeous animals clomp noisily around the house, swing their tails and knock over vases and fine china, then leave a trail of hay and apple cores all around your yard. Just say neigh.
4. Goldfish. When it gets hot, algae tends to form on top of fish tank water. If you can’t prevent it, at least try jarring it and selling it to fancy restaurants. Who knows, maybe it’ll be a new food trend.
5. Parakeets. One problem in having a bird as a pet is that no one gets the daily newspaper anymore, so it is difficult to find cage liner. In lieu of newspaper, line the cage with credit card offers. You’ll save money, too.

When considering whether to get a furry, feathered or scaled pet, just know what messes you’re getting into… and around… and under.