Last week I wrote about random acts of kindness: mommy-style.  That is, those spontaneous moments with your children that convince you that even though you don’t think your kid has eaten a vegetable in over a week, you may still be doing ok with this “parenting” thing.

This week, I want to talk about a totally different act that mommies contend with: random acts of vomit.   You know what I’m talking about: one minute you’re watching your adorable toddler playing sweetly on the couch, and then next minute, you’re covered in barf.

As a public service to moms who fall victim to these random acts of vomit, I’ve attempted to classify kid pukers into four recognizable categories so that we can all take the necessary precautions.

1.    The Projectile Vomitter:  Often making her impressive skills known at an early age, this newborn is notorious for cooing sweetly in your face, and then suddenly forcing you to re-live a horror movie by spewing puke all over your shirt. Unfortunately, she is often too cute to warrant any anger. So, your only defense is to ensure burp cloths are present at all times or to hand off the burping to some poor unsuspecting soul until your newborn clears this phase.  

2.    The 5-Second Warner:  This kid is a bit more laundry-friendly: at least you get fair warning.  Unfortunately the warning is too short to do anything with it.  By the time your brain registers that it’s gonna happen, your shoes are already covered.  In this case, play defense by keeping pails by their bed, running shoes on your feet and resign yourself to frequent loads of laundry .

3.    The Consistent Garbage Pail Misser: This kid means well but has been cursed with a bad sense of aim.  Max, my son, who as early as age two could give us a warning that his guts were about to visit, would run to a garbage pail only to puke 2 inches outside it.  You couldn’t blame the little fella; he really tried.  No cure here except maybe more sports practice to build that basket/eye coordination. 

4.    The Random Puker: This is the kid that seems to even surprise herself with her acts of vomit.   Elle was notorious for this.  One second she’d be playing happily with her toys, then next minute she would be covered in barf, looking up at me with these wide eyes as if to ask, “What just happened, Mommy?  I was just playing with DOLLS!!!”  For me, these spontaneous moments meant many years of sweats and washable cottons until Elle finally outgrew her random acts of vomit…only to become a “5-Second Warner.”

What category does your kid fit into?