Recently, I was talking to a friend who just became a new mom.  We were lamenting the challenges that being a new mom brings—learning how to feed and diaper, figuring out how to calm a fussy baby and perhaps more importantly, how to induce sleep in the little one!

“You’re so lucky you’re out of this New Mom phase!" my friend exclaimed.

I had to admit that it felt pretty good that being a “new mom” was behind me.

Or was it?

As I reflected on it, I realized that while I’ve been at this “Mommy” thing for almost 5 years now, there are so many days when I still feel like that newbie on the job.  In any other role, 5 years would be enough time to build some real expertise and experience, and yet here I am, feeling like I’m constantly in a state of “new mommy-hood”:   I’m still learning the ropes, still fumbling through how to be a good parent, still figuring out each new phase my kids go through.

For instance, right when I mastered diapering, I had to master pottytraining.  When I finally mastered pottytraining, it was time to master tantrums.  Now that I’ve (somewhat) mastered having a preschooler, my daughter, Elle, will soon be a Kindergartener.   It’s like once I figured out one thing, my kids move onto a new stage and I’m reminded about what it feels like to be a “new mom” all over again.

And then there’s Max.  There’s nothing better than a second child to prove that I definitely haven’t got this mommyhood thing mastered.  Techniques and tricks that worked with Elle bounce off of Max like a rogue superball in a concrete schoolyard.  For example, I thought that firmly telling Max not to touch electric sockets and then installing plug covers would be enough to keep him out of apparent electrical danger. Afterall, it worked just fine with his older sister.  Alas, one morning, he made a game of  running up to me and saying, “Max don’t touch” as he proudly HANDED ME the plug covers I had just installed.  Needless to say, it reminded me that any mommy techniques that work with one kid don’t necessarily work with the other.

And I know that it won’t be the small stuff that trips me up and makes me feel like the new parent on the block.  It will be the “bigger” stuff that I need to figure out, like learning how to discipline with love, how to “let go” as they get older, how to give advice in a way that still lets them make their own way in the world.  It’s THESE areas that will make me feel like I’m still new at this.

Even when I talk to “Experienced Moms” who have adult children and would never think to describe themselves as “New Moms,” they admit that their relationship with their children changes and they must now figure out what it means to be a mother to a grown-up.  They’re still learning how to dispense maternal advice to their adult children, or in some cases, they’re figuring out how to be a mom who is now physically or financially-dependent upon her kids.

Fortunately, the best parts of mommyhood – dispensing love and affection, joy in seeing my kids grow—won’t ever change.  But until I find a way to “hit the pause button” on my kids’ lives, I guess I will always feel like a “new mom”.

And ironically, these sorts of skills are exactly what I’m always trying to instill in my kids – adaptability, flexibility and a desire for lifelong learning.

I guess I will have to lead by example.

What part of mommyhood are you currently trying to master?