At the start of each school year ,we have a tradition of asking our kids what they want to be when they grow up.  The answers have been amusing and change week to week.  Max, my 3-year-old, has moved from wanting to be a firefighterto a doctor, to now a firefighter who rescues doctors.   

As my daughter grows up, I realize that there will be many contemplative “what should I be?” talks in our future.  And unlike for my son, there will be moments when simply being a female may change her beliefs about what she can be.  In anticipation of those moments, I’ve written this letter to Elle for the day when she starts seriously thinking about what she will be when she grows up. 

Dear Elle,

If you are reading this letter, you are probably in high school starting to think through where you want to dedicate your professional life.  

One thing I’ve known since the day you started kindergarten is that there will be things that happen in school that I don’t see and that will shape your beliefs about what you can or cannot be.

If there is anything you need to know from me, it is that you can be whatever you set your mind to doing. 

I remember how you came home crying from preschool one day because some boys told you that you couldn't be an astronaut.  “Girls CAN’T be astronauts!” they said.  You had wanted to be an astronaut since I could remember.  “Because I want to touch the moon!” you would say.  And while you may have had moments of doubt about launching into space, those rare moments sprang from adorable 3-year-old realizations like “I want to be an astronaut … but wait, who will drive me back home?”  Never did they arise from wondering whether you COULD ever be one.

When Daddy found out what those boys said, he immediately googled all the historical astronauts who were women, including Sally Ride, America’s first woman in space, until finally you were convinced that, yes, you could be a girl AND an astronaut.

Crisis averted.

But I'm worried for all those comments you’ll hear that don't make it to my ears, that we can't google away and that slowly permeate your beliefs until you think, “Maybe they’re right.  Maybe I can’t.”  And while I’m realistic enough to know that some professions are harder for females, I don't want that to burden you now.  

For now, I want you to believe that there are no barriers, no obstacles that you can't overcome.  For now, I hope that all that "girls can’t be ..." nonsense never lingers with you for more than a moment.  Or better yet, that you grow up and show them, “I told you so …”

Love, Mom