A dear friend recently told me that she was expecting her first baby. The excitement of her news had me thinking about my life before I had kids– those days before I knew what mommyhood had in store for me.

And while I happily reminisced about those days of being un-tethered, getting more than 6 hours sleep a night and the simple pleasures of seeing a movie/getting a haircut or other basic activities without guilt or expensive babysitters, I also reflected upon the folly of my attitude and behavior in my “pre-baby” days.

I’m not proud of some of these moments, so in recognition of any transgressions I committed before I was a Mom myself, I wish to say I’m sorry.

And here it is, an open letter of apology for some of the foolishness of my “pre-mommyhood” days: the days before I knew how to change a diaper, before I understood what a breast pump was (“You put that WHERE and do WHAT?!?”), before I knew what it meant to be a Mother.

• There is no such thing as a new mom in a clean home. To those newly-minted moms whose homes I entered with toys strewn about, crumbs on floors and unidentified messes on counters, I apologize for silently wondering: “Is it really that hard to pick up a sponge?”  Because now I realize, yes, it really IS that hard.  To clean up your home when you’re a new mom can be the equivalent of scaling Mt Everest in rollerskates, or finding a lost contact lens in a bouncy house full of 3-year olds: it just isn’t gonna happen. Because while the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak, or else the flesh is, at any moment, encumbered by hungry babies, tantrum-throwing preschoolers and general kid-induced mayhem. I’m sorry for any judgments I may have made.  And now humbly ask that you when you visit my home, you graciously ignore the mess.

• A 4 foot Bear is less practical than diapers. To those mamas whose baby showers I attended before I became a mom, I apologize for subjecting you to my gifts of stuffed animals and painfully-impractical newborn outfits. I realize now what you really needed were burp cloths or a diaper pail.   I remember when I was in my first “real” job and I found out my boss was pregnant. I collected about $100 in gift contributions from some other 20-somethings in the office and headed to the nearest Toys“R”Us store.  Not knowing what a new mom would want, or that baby registries existed, I decided that the best use of the funds was definitely to splurge on a 4-foot tall stuffed bear.  Afterall, it was sooo adorable!  While I’m sure it looked cute in the nursery, I’m also sure it was the last thing this new mom needed and is currently enjoying moments of solitude in her attic.  Larysa, if you’re reading this, I apologize!

• Potty Training is acceptable mealtime conversation. To that group of moms who discussed potty-training while we were lunching together in the office cafeteria, I apologize for rolling my eyes and silently swearing that when I became a mom, I would never publicly discuss potties nor what goes into them.  I now understand the innate desire to exchange potty-training tips and how easy it is to discuss the relative size/color of my kid’s poops with the same enthusiasm as I do an American Idol finale.

But there is one thing that I don’t regret…that those faux-pas and other misdemeanors I committed before I had kids, may have, in some strange way, made me appreciate more what it means to be a Mom now. Had I always “fully gotten it”, perhaps I would appreciate less when my home is clean, or those practical baby shower gifts or the willingly-dispensed potty advice I’ve received.

After all, there is something truly special and wonderful about that fact that no one else knows (and I mean REALLY knows) what it’s like to be a mom--except another mom. Unless you’ve gone through it yourself, no one else can understand what it’s like to raise children: to ride that rollercoaster of deep anguish and utter joy, to see the emotional depths your heart can travel, and to experience true “Mom Moments”—big or small.

Is there anything you wouldn’t have done “pre-baby” if you knew what you know now?