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Three Kid Messes I Thought Were Urban Myths

Mon, 01 Jul 2013 12:37:35 -0700

Before I became a parent, I would chuckle at those Hollywood scenes of delightful kids who somehow get themselves into mischievous mayhem. For some reason, I thought scenes of hopeless but adorable messes like spilling flour all over the kitchen or spaghetti sauce all over the baby’s hair was purely for audience amusement.

Surely no kid would actually do that, right?

Well, with two kids underfoot, I now know better. And I have experienced first-hand some kid messes that I assumed were urban myths … until they happened to me. Just as any prepared family should have an escape plan in case of fire or earthquake, it wouldn’t hurt for parents to nail down some other drills. Have these ever happened to you?

1. The poop in the tub

Maybe it’s just me, but this always seemed like an unlikely scenario. I mean, what kid would think to actually poop while taking a dip in the comfort of a spa-like, bubbly bathtub? Evidently, mine. And apparently many others. I guess “pants off” gives many kids the green light to do their business wherever they are … even if it’s during the kid-equivalent of a spa treatment. In addition to the many skills a new parent learns, poop management makes the list.

2.The self-inflicted haircut

I’ve seen enough Facebook posts from fellow mommies to know that haircutting is not uncommon. So the fact that he single-handedly eliminated his own bangs didn’t bother me; hair grows back. What amazes me is how my son managed to give himself a bad-toupee-meets-mullet hairstyle just minutes before School Picture Day and just weeks before he is the ring bearer in my cousin’s wedding. Now I’m just hoping the receding hairline look becomes fashionable among the preschooler set before he struts down the aisle.

3. The car seat barf in bumper-to-bumper traffic

I’m not talking the cute baby spit up that you just wipe away with an adorable burp cloth made for such occasions. I’m talking the preschooler-who-just-ate-an-insane-quantity-of-burrito-before-getting-into-the-car kind of puke. As I looked in the rearview mirror, all I saw was my dear daughter looking up at me with scared eyes as if to say, “Mommy! Were those all my internal organs?” We all know carsickness happens, but when it does, pray it doesn’t happen in a fabric car seat over every crevice of a 5-point harness in bumper-to-bumper traffic … on a four-lane highway … when you’re in the left-most lane … and you have no change of clothes.”

What monstrous messes have you experienced? How did you survive to tell the tale?

DIY with Bleach and “Dr. L”

Sun, 23 Jun 2013 21:39:29 -0700

Think you’re the only person who ends up with most of your food on your shirt? Think again! During my 12 years in research and development for Clorox and past few years as resident laundry and stain expert “Dr. Laundry,” I’ve seen thousands of questions about treating mustard stains, removing gum from fabric, intentionally removing color from clothing and perhaps the most common – treating underarm yellowing! Not only have I learned how to treat these stains in my professional life, but I’ve had plenty of personal experience with them as a mother.

To help everyone tackle these stains, I’ve been answering questions on the Clorox Dr. Laundry blog where you can submit your toughest laundry questions and get personalized advice on everything from grass stains on baseball pants, to getting the “stink” out of your washing machine.

But it’s not ALL about stains. Sometimes I see a hot new trend and think to myself, “I can do that!” This year, it was polka dots, so I decided to give it a try on my own! My favorite polka dot project was a pair of polka dot canvas shoes I made for my neighbor that turned out to be a huge success and also a great way to perk up an older pair of shoes! To get started, make sure you have the following, and then head over to the Dr. Laundry blog for the full instructions:

Clorox® Bleach Pen® Gel
Cotton canvas shoes*
Hydrogen peroxide
Cotton swabs
Dropper or syringe
Dishwasher safe bowl
Dishwasher safe plate
Paper towels

To get tips on more DIY projects and help tackling stains with ease and confidence, head over to the newly revamped Dr. Laundry blog, email me at Dr.Laundry@clorox.com or stop by www.reddit.com/r/iAMA on Tuesday, June 25th from 1:30-4:30 p.m. ET for a live “Ask Me Anything” chat on stains, DIY bleach projects and more. Be on the look-out for the thread titled, “I am Mary Gagliardi, a.k.a. ‘Dr. Laundry,’ stain and laundry expert extraordinaire AMA.” Hope to see you there!

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Mary Gagliardi, aka “Dr. Laundry,” is the resident stain and laundry expert extraordinaire for The Clorox Company. She has 12 years of experience as a scientist in laundry product research and development at Clorox that she combines with her real world experience as a mom of two kids to help others solve their laundry problems as “Dr. Laundry.” She knows how to banish blotches, stamp out spots and keep clothes looking their best, wash after wash. You can find her answers to your laundry and cleaning questions on the “Dr. Laundry” blog: http://www.clorox.com/dr-laundry/.

Five Truths About Preschooler Bedtime

Wed, 19 Jun 2013 22:35:44 -0700

When I see those sweet movies of adorable kids in footie pajamas happily getting ready for bed and then nestled in their mom’s arms as they read a bedtime story together, I’m in awe.

And envious.

Because in my household, while we do have those wonderful moments of cuddling over a book, they are often preceded by a seemingly requisite struggle over teeth brushing, pajama wearing or a general need to convince Max that blowing bubbles or hiding my mail under the refrigerator does not qualify as appropriate pre-bedtime activity.

You see, Max is a preschooler. And here are five truths I’ve learned about bedtime with a preschooler:

1. Your child’s bedtime sees more delays than an international airport. Typical (and hopelessly transparent) delay tactics: He wants a drink of water, wants to ride a firetruck, needs to potty, has a hair in his mouth, wants ham …

2. Anyone can get your little one to bed faster than you. Grandma = 5 minutes. Babysitter = 2 minutes. You = 50 minutes (unless you fall asleep in her bed first).

3. Whether she goes to bed at 7 p.m., 9 p.m. or 11 p.m., she still wakes up at 5 a.m. She’s reliable like that.

4. He will cry out from his bedroom for the most random reasons: “Mommy! I saw a dirty tennis ball today!” (actual quote)

5. Pajamas really matter. A series of inexplicable tantrums can erupt over the dinosaur or truck pajamas. Irrational Tantrum No. 1: He wants to wear the dinosaur pajamas. Irrational Tantrum No. 2: Actually, he wants the truck pajamas. Followed by irrational tantrum No. 3: Oh wait, he wants to wear NO pajamas.

I swear, if it weren’t for that irreplaceable hug I get every night before turning out the lights, it almost wouldn’t be worth it. What truths have you realized about your kid’s bedtime?

Lessons From The Weeks I Didn’t Clean

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 10:50:36 -0700

I used to think that our household couldn’t run without me. It’s not ego. OK, it’s ego. And maybe some control issues. But I mean who else knows best when it’s show and tell day, when it’s our turn to carpool to soccer or when it’s Crazy Hat day?

But I recently had some minor surgery, which left me stuck in bed for a couple weeks. In this time when I was forced to let go of the housework, I had an ego-bruising, but happy epiphany: the Household can run without me. Here’s what I learned about letting go and letting someone else manage the family for a while:

1. It’s empowering to others: “Do you know how annoying it is when I tell you ‘I’ve got it’ and you still butt in?” the Hubs asked me. Actually, I didn’t. I thought I was being helpful. I thought that he appreciated my reminders. But from his perspective, I was undermining what he was doing and his own way of taking care of tasks. So I learned to let them figure it out. Because they can, and will.

2. The Kids will live: What’s the worst that can happen? The kids may not remember to wear green to school on St. Patrick’s Day. What’s the best that can happen? The kids get flexible; they learn to remind Dad about the gear they need, or better yet, pack it up themselves. And even if all that fails…the kids will live.

3. Taking a chill pill is more fun than stressing: Nearing the end of my recovery, I realized I had a choice. I could read trashy magazines in bed and feel guilty or stressed about the household, or I could do it happily while my husband feeds our kids and folds the laundry. I chose fun.

4. The more tasks you own, the less others will: It’s one thing to complain that you do all the housework, it’s quite another not to let others take on responsibility when they offer. Now that the Hubs has taken on more duties, I’ve learned that my way may NOT be the “best” way to run the bath or that my kids mayn’t be as picky about the peanut butter: jelly ratio as I thought they were.

I’m on the mend and will soon be resuming household duties. But this experience has taught me a lot. The household can run without me. But only if I let it.

Carol Leifer: Monster Truck

Sun, 26 May 2013 15:05:55 -0700

Kids are the best, aren’t they? So many advantages…

1. You can eat off their plate without asking. (Funny how the calories from their French fries don’t count.)
2. They can sleep through anything. Seriously, invite AC/DC over to your living room to play and the little rugrat won’t hear a peep.
3. You can pass gas and blame it on them. (Come on, like you haven’t?!?)

And the best thing about having a little boy is seeing how little they need to stay entertained. No lie – we can hand our son a simple toy car and he will play with it for hours. That “vroom-vroom” is hard-wired, people!

Little boys also have a thing for dirt and messes. We gave up a long time ago on pricey clothes when we first got a glimpse of what he looks like when he comes home from either school or the park. A good run-around on the playground is so important for getting his ya-yas out (which any parent knows they gotta do!), but so bad on our washing machine. That piece of equipment really tests its warranty everyday with a little boy in the house!

So imagine when our seven year-old came to us recently asking if we could get tickets to the big Monster Truck Rally that was headed to town. He was obsessed with going! And then it occurred to me why this was – it’s the marriage of two of his most favorite things – dirt and really big cars! And the event did not disappoint!

Our son was riveted watching these trucks go bonkers with each other. As if it wasn’t entertaining enough, then these trucks start to go at each other IN THE MUD. I’m telling you, I’ve never seen Bruno look so blissful. (Of course as his mom, all I was thinking was, “Who’s going to clean this mess up later?”) But that’s another thing I love about having a little boy – I never have to wonder what he ate in a day, I just have to decipher the crumbs and stains afterwards to know! Ah, for the day when I finally don’t have to say to him anymore, “It’s a shirt, not a napkin, honey!”

And that’s what I love about using Clorox 2® Stain Fighter and Color Booster – my son can “get his mess on” and the results are not critical. That saying, “It all comes out in the wash” is not only a sound philosophy for life. It’s pretty darn good when you take it literally, too!

Carol Leifer: Dogs

Sun, 19 May 2013 15:07:22 -0700

We are a dog-loving family. So much so, that we have five rescues! (But they’re small – four Chihuahuas and a terrier mix, so together that makes one big dog.) And how did one rescue become five? Well, let’s chalk that up to my partner, Lori, and I just being big softies at heart. Because most of our pack came from desperate e-mails from friends or rescue groups that read, “HELP! This little guy’s only got one more day at the shelter and then it’s curtains!” Enter us and our usual pattern. Most times we’ve said, “Okay, we’ll foster them until they find a permanent home.” But then of course, we fall in love and they become a permanent addition to our brood!

And our boy thinks this is the norm. We recently brought our son, Bruno, over to his friend Sean’s house for a play date. (His mom bragged to Lori earlier at school one morning how her family had two rescues of their own.) So what did Bruno say upon entering their house and seeing their two pups? “Where’s all your other dogs?” Yes, five dogs.

What does that mean on a day-to-day basis? Well first off, you won’t find any rugs in our home. Early on, the dogs seemed to mistake them for very plush and comfy pee pads. So just wood floors for us now.

Then the challenge became keeping those floors clean, because they roam free, our four-legged ones. (It’s all about them, if you haven’t noticed.) I’m proud to say that we have an eight foot fence around our yard so that they can come and go as they choose. Needless to say, paw prints abound in our house as a result. What we affectionately call from the Clorox Ick-tionary, “Sasplotches” everywhere. And since we’ve never actually “paw-printed” each of the dogs, we’ll never have any idea who the culprit is who made the last mess.

But no worries. With my Clorox Ready Mop, our little guys can still have their Shangri La while making all the mess they want. Because it’s one of the only mops I’ve ever found that’s safe on wood floors and keeps them looking good, too. And the refills are super easy to use, too. So easy we’ve even gotten Bruno to use it himself when he makes his own “Sasplotch” marks from being outside with dirty sneakers.

Because, sorry son! Your sneaker prints are still easy to distinguish from the dogs’!

Illegitimate Middle-of-Night Wake-Ups

Thu, 09 May 2013 18:12:24 -0700

If you’re a parent of a young child, you’re probably no stranger to waking up in the middle of the night to your child calling for “Mommy!” from his bedroom. If you’re lucky, it’s simply a bad dream, a stuffy nose or some other legitimate reason that has disturbed your sleep.

If you have a preschooler like mine, however, you have a child born without the ability to discern between critical and non-critical reasons to wake you up at 5 a.m. For me, justifiable reasons to rouse a sleep-deprived mother from slumber include a preschooler’s bodily functions or, perhaps, flames.

Yes, I’ll willingly respond to “Mommy, I peed!” or “Mommy, I barfed!” However, the problem is that Max does NOT say “Mommy, I peed” or state his situation upfront. Instead, he just calls out “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” till I come. So each time it’s like Russian roulette: Sometimes I stumble in to find him the victim of the stomach flu; other times, he just wants to know where I put his ukulele.

This week alone, my early riser called me into his room at 5:30 a.m. to happily announce: “Mommy! I found a sparkle on the floor!” “Mommy! Can we make ice pops today?” “Mommy! I’d like a motorcycle for my birthday.”

Each time this happens, I painstakingly remind him what constitutes a legitimate reason to wake me up. If you pee in your bed, yes, you can wake up Mommy. If you just want to tell me you love cookies, you have to wait till Mommy — and the sun — is up. But as I toss back to sleep in frustration, I can’t help but think of many years from now, when those cries for “Mommy!” in the middle of the night may come by phone instead of from the other room . . . when his worries and fears will be much more serious than wondering if we can make ice pops tomorrow.

So I guess in some warped way, through my shortened sleep cycles and lost slumber now and then, I should be grateful that the reason he is calling for his mom today is not for something grave, but simply to show her a little sequin that brightened his morning . . . What’s your 5 a.m. wake-up call?

Carol Leifer: “The Wipe Lady”

Thu, 09 May 2013 18:07:31 -0700

Greetings, fresh back from spring break! You know that time of year - when your kid is bouncing off the walls from being at school so much that it’s only fair that he bounce around some walls around you again. And the thing that’s annoying about it is the timing every year - it’s always the same week that everybody else and their kids go on vacation. If you are on a “staycation,” you might notice your hometown just got a little more crowded and if you are able to travel to a hotel, you might notice the cleanliness is not quite up to snuff.

For example on our most recent spring break trip, we were on a package that included all our meals in their oh-so-exclusive “club room.” You know the deal, the buffet special which is actually great for kids – now they have so many more food options for which to scrunch up their faces and say, “But that stuff looks icky, Mommy.” Yes, the club room & buffet were great for our pocketbooks, but not so great on the spotlessness factor. Being so overcrowded, the hotel had more guests than the wait staff could handle. So we would find ourselves famished at breakfast in front of a table not quite bussed to anybody’s liking – the leftover cereal and hardened bits of oatmeal still gracing our tile tabletop. And after several failed attempts to flag someone down with a wet dish towel, I did what any Mama Bear would do and finally took matters into my own hands, literally. I pulled out my trusty pack of on-the-go Clorox® Disinfecting Wipes and did the job myself. So while we were getting first dibs at the buffet on the ripest fruit and the untouched bagels, a bunch of other famished faces stared at us with envy.

But not for long.

A mom next to us, tired of staring at her crusty tabletop asked to borrow a wipe, and in no time flat, I suddenly became known as “The Wipes Lady” around the club room. (Did I mind? Are you kidding?! All my comedy credits aside, it became a source of pride to me!) And those wipes came in handy on just about every hard surface at the hotel. When you’re traveling, there’s not a spot that can’t benefit from a good healthy swipe: the light switches in the room, the TV remote, the list of filth where a million families precedes you goes on and on!

So be like me and become the most popular person on your next vacation. But, sorry. “The Wipes Lady” is a name that’s already taken! And I ask all of you out there in the blog-o-sphere...what would you name this spring break sticky situation? Perhaps it's fodder for a new Ick-tionary term!

Carol Leifer: Real-Life Messes Are Funny

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 11:55:34 -0700

Welcome to my first blog post! You may be asking, why would a comedian/comedy writer such as myself team up with the fine folks at The Clorox Company? For one very simple reason – messes are funny. Yep, you heard me! Maybe not right when they happen but, as I’ve seen with practically everything else in life, you just gotta laugh. And being a mom to a six-year old boy and five rescue dogs, on a daily basis I sure do see my share of messes!

Here’s a little story of the messes in my life, which are typical around our house…

If you’re anything like our family, you spend a lot of time in the car. Driving our seven-year-old son back and forth to school on weekdays, the Saturday karate class, play dates and everything in between. And the backseat of our SUV (a hybrid, I like to add) has quickly become his dorm room. Tossed wrappers from fruit-flavored snacks, squashed juice boxes, and empty “cheddar fish” snack-packs litter the joint. Ever seen what leftover gummy bears look like in the fall after being dropped back there during the hot, hot summer? (It’s no jamboree, I’ll tell you that.)

Things tumble out of his lunchbox and backpack that we don’t even know about until weeks later! Many times we’ll find an old plastic bag of something, which will lead to a little fun game we like to call, “What Do You Think It Was?” Those crime scene agents got nothin’ on us! And it’s those messes that have led our family to a strict house policy called - “Don’t’ Ask, Don’t Smell.” Get whatever it was to the trash as quick as humanly possible, clean up the collateral damage and move on!

I’m excited to say that I’m joining forces with Clorox to come up with a glossary of terms just like that one - “Don’t Ask, Don’t Smell.” These definitions will comprise what they’ve called “The Ick-tionary.” Because as I’ve learned from my comedy writing on sitcoms, real life always does seem to present the funniest ideas.

Max’s Mucus Murals

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 20:40:42 -0700

So I walk into Max’s bedroom the other day to see what look like a series of little bugs on the wall beside his bed. Freaking out, I leap over him to inspect the critters, when my son suddenly says nonchalantly, “Oh, those are my boogers, Mommy!” and continues to shoot lasers out of his stuffed dog’s head.

Um, excuse me, but what part of that dry-walled surface seems like an appropriate place to smear the contents of your nose?

As I explain the concept of tissues to Max for the 176th time and wipe down the wall, I can’t help but laugh. Gross? Yes. But kind of hilarious? Definitely. Now that the Hubs and I can see the humor through that nasty mess, we jokingly refer to the incident as Max’s “mucus murals.”

I know I’m not the only one who’s been faced with a diaper blowout, spit-up or unidentified crud on walls. So if you’ve “been there, done that” and survived to tell the tale, then you’ve got to check out the Clorox Ick-tionary [link to icktionary] — a wiki-style dictionary that contains funny words that capture these icky moments.

To help us create a new language for these messes, we are collaborating with Carol Leifer, a comedian and comedy writer for such award-winning shows as “Modern Family,” “Seinfeld” and “Saturday Night Live.” And I’m thrilled to announce that she will be guest blogging right here on Mom Moments in the coming weeks. So come back soon to see her favorite Icktionary words and the funny moments that inspired them!

OK, off to wipe down more mucus murals now…

Taking the Frustration out of Spring Cleaning

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 11:43:31 -0700

By: Christine Satterfield

After a long winter, I’m always ready for spring! But how can I enjoy the warmer weather if I’m stuck inside searching for dust bunnies? Fortunately I’ve discovered some ways to make spring cleaning a little less painful:

The Closets

Closets are sometimes the most difficult places to clean. Since everything is hidden behind closed doors, it's all too easy to pack them completely full, top to bottom. To avoid unnecessary frustration when waging war against yours, start with a major de-clutter overhaul. Designate three large storage containers for:

(1) things to keep

(2) things to donate, and

(3) things destined for the trash.

A closet cleanse will take away the stress of spring cleaning and give you extra room for a new outfit or two!

The Living Room

You never know what your kids left behind in couch cushions or underneath the coffee table, from small gadgets to chewed gum! Finding that treat stuck to the side of your suede coach is less of a “sweet surprise” and more of a headache. When a pro like me can't figure out a solution, I turn to my spring cleaning “therapist,” Clorox’s Dr. Laundry, for smart tips that save both time and loads of frustration. Check out her post on couch gum removal!

The Kitchen & Bathroom

And just when you think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel and the only thing standing between you and the freedom of the outdoors is a quick wipe-down of your countertops, it can be especially frustrating when not being able to get that last little bit of liquid out of your spray bottle stops you in your tracks. I used to go to “extreme measures” and battle with the bottles to get it out, but new SMART TUBE® TECHNOLOGY in Clorox^® Clean Up^®, Tilex^® and Formula 409^® sprays puts an end to that. It’s a built-in tube that reaches all the way to the bottom of the bottle so you can spray every last drop, making it easy to finish the job (and the bottle)!

Once done, give yourself a pat on the back and treat yourself to a small celebration. You’ve won the battle with spring cleaning!

Christine Satterfield is a wife and a mother with a house full of boys. She shares organizing and cleaning tips on i Dream of Clean and encourages moms everywhere to complete one task, each day, all year on Spring Cleaning 365.

Whitney from Rookie Moms on #WTFlu!

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 19:29:33 -0800

Everywhere you look, people are coughing and sneezing. And if you hang out with the preschool set, you’ll see that they’re not just coughing and sneezing, they’re also rubbing their faces with the sneezed-upon items. Maybe even putting them in their mouths.

I’ll be honest: Colds and flu viruses are a huge inconvenience as a working mom. Not only am I worried about myself or one of my kiddos getting sick, but if my co-parent goes down, leaving me with all household and childcare duties, that is no fun either.

While I do feel sad for my son and daughter when the skin above their upper lips is so chapped from nose-wiping that they appear to have mustaches, here’s what I’m really thinking when they exhibit the beginning of cold and flu virus symptoms: