As Valentine’s Day approaches, I am reminded that as a parent, there will come a day when I have to impart my clumsy advice to my children in the “love department.” I don’t know if they will come to me for advice — but, as feeble as I am on this subject, I hope that they do. In anticipation of that moment, I’ve written this letter to my youngest child, Max, for the day when he first has his heart broken.

Dear Max,

As I write this letter, you are three years old. Your current loves are fire trucks, bugs and cheese. You are far from knowing “romantic” love (though I must say you talk an awful lot about that special girl in your preschool class … but I’m going to chalk that up to a mutual love of cheese).

If you are reading this, your heart has just been broken. And as a result, so has mine.

You’re probably feeling that soul-crushing sense that you want to crumple up and sleep for the rest of your life. I am probably sitting beside you, awkwardly trying to balance the fine line of letting you feel all the hurt that stems from heartache and desperately wanting to remind you what an amazing, bright and beautiful person you are. I am no expert in love, but I plan to be married to your father for the rest of my life. So when you are ready to read on, here are my thoughts for you:

1) Cry, Cry and Cry again. I know boys are told to be tough, macho or not to show too much emotion. (I may have even unintentionally reinforced this every time you scraped your knee and I insisted, “You’re ok! Just get up!”) Well, throw all that out the window and know that it’s OK to cry and to feel all that emotion that comes with the loss of someone you loved. It’s natural and it’s necessary.

2) Take the time to be mad, but don’t linger too long. It’s OK to be angry. Scream. Curse (I know I tell you not to, but you get a free pass on this for the moment. Just don’t throw things or burn things unsupervised.) But don’t stay in anger too long. It may make you feel better for the moment, but it is ultimately the emotion that can consume you and make you bitter about love. Instead, try to be hopeful.

3) While it isn’t apparent right now, this experience will help you know love more deeply when the time is right. Love is full of ups and downs. We never seem ready for the downs, but it’s the downs that let you feel love more fully when you’re in it. It won’t make sense now, but perhaps 5, 10 or 15 years from now you’ll look back and know that this relationship had a purpose, if only to convince you that you can fall down and get back up again.

4) I will always be here. Know that my love for you is unconditional. I will love you, hug you or talk late into night with you as long as I’m physically and mentally able. Until you find your strength. Until you stand back up again. Until you find your one true love.

Love, Mom