Before I became a parent, I would chuckle at those Hollywood scenes of delightful kids who somehow get themselves into mischievous mayhem. For some reason, I thought scenes of hopeless but adorable messes like spilling flour all over the kitchen or spaghetti sauce all over the baby’s hair was purely for audience amusement.

Surely no kid would actually do that, right?

Well, with two kids underfoot, I now know better. And I have experienced first-hand some kid messes that I assumed were urban myths … until they happened to me. Just as any prepared family should have an escape plan in case of fire or earthquake, it wouldn’t hurt for parents to nail down some other drills. Have these ever happened to you?

1. The poop in the tub

Maybe it’s just me, but this always seemed like an unlikely scenario. I mean, what kid would think to actually poop while taking a dip in the comfort of a spa-like, bubbly bathtub? Evidently, mine. And apparently many others. I guess “pants off” gives many kids the green light to do their business wherever they are … even if it’s during the kid-equivalent of a spa treatment. In addition to the many skills a new parent learns, poop management makes the list.

2.The self-inflicted haircut

I’ve seen enough Facebook posts from fellow mommies to know that haircutting is not uncommon. So the fact that he single-handedly eliminated his own bangs didn’t bother me; hair grows back. What amazes me is how my son managed to give himself a bad-toupee-meets-mullet hairstyle just minutes before School Picture Day and just weeks before he is the ring bearer in my cousin’s wedding. Now I’m just hoping the receding hairline look becomes fashionable among the preschooler set before he struts down the aisle.

3. The car seat barf in bumper-to-bumper traffic

I’m not talking the cute baby spit up that you just wipe away with an adorable burp cloth made for such occasions. I’m talking the preschooler-who-just-ate-an-insane-quantity-of-burrito-before-getting-into-the-car kind of puke. As I looked in the rearview mirror, all I saw was my dear daughter looking up at me with scared eyes as if to say, “Mommy! Were those all my internal organs?” We all know carsickness happens, but when it does, pray it doesn’t happen in a fabric car seat over every crevice of a 5-point harness in bumper-to-bumper traffic … on a four-lane highway … when you’re in the left-most lane … and you have no change of clothes.”

What monstrous messes have you experienced? How did you survive to tell the tale?